My Struggles as a New Mom

In the months leading up to the birth of our first son, I had it all planned out. Our baby would sleep in his crib next to our bed, I would exclusively breastfeed him, and teach him how to sleep through the night. After my six weeks of maternity leave (we were living in Mexico at the time), I would go back to my awesome full-time job as a coordinator at a local private school, and our baby boy would go to the lovely daycare we had selected for him. This was what I had prepared for and what I thought our new life would be like.

Life Rarely Goes as Planned

The day came that would change our lives forever. At 2 am it all started, and by 9 am, I had our baby boy in my arms. He was the cutest little thing I had ever seen! All my intentions of letting him sleep by himself, all alone in his crib, went immediately out the door. I only put him down when I took a shower or needed a bathroom break. We bought a baby wrap, and he was peacefully close to me at all times. Breastfeeding did not go as planned either; we struggled a whole bunch after the first week. Luckily, with the help of a great lactation specialist, we managed to get through those painful moments, and it became my second nature. No need to mention that I did not sleep train my exclusively held and breastfed baby. Life just does not always go as planned, I guess.

Back to Work

After my six weeks of maternity leave, it was time to go back to my full-time job and for our son to start at his lovely daycare. The six weeks went by so fast. I had been on cloud nine and was not ready to leave our baby at daycare.

But duty called, so I went back to work. It was a very difficult period in my life. I was awake at night, worrying about everything that could go wrong. About all the things that could happen to our son when I was at work and not with him. On top of that, I missed him a lot during the day. I felt like the worst mom in the world for leaving him for so many hours, even though I knew that he was in good hands. At work, things also did not go as planned. I had a hard time adapting to my new pumping schedule, focusing on the tasks that had to be done, and coming up with creative ideas. The entire workday, I felt like I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. And oh, how I loved my job before all this.

When a Woman Becomes a Mother

Becoming a mom changes a woman. It changes how you feel, how you look at the world, and how you react to new or familiar situations. A change I did not prepare for and did not see coming. It is a wonderful thing, a human nature, a survival technique that we inherited from our ancestors. But boy, would it have been nice if someone had prepared me for those strong, instinctive motherhood feelings. Would it have changed the outcome? Perhaps not, but it would have changed the way I dealt with all those overwhelming feelings.

Rock Bottom

After a few months, I hit my low point; my body just gave in. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and unable to keep any food or liquid inside of me anymore. My husband had me admitted to the ER, and they nurtured me back to living. It was at that moment I decided I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. No more emotional torture of leaving my baby in the care of someone else, no more struggling to get my working day over as fast as possible, and no more new mom guilt that I did not spend enough time with my son. I just wanted to be able to raise my kids and be there for them whenever they needed me.

Change of Course

I quit my full-time job and started teaching online. I taught in the early morning and evening because those were the moments my husband was home to take over the care of our son. It was financially a big step back, but emotionally a huge step forward. I am still incredibly happy that I made that decision back then. And little did I know at the time that my dream job (being a business owner) would be in my near future!

Tip for New Moms: Listen to Your Feelings

Being a stay-at-home mom is not the right choice for every new mom, but it was the right one for me. Each person is different, each path is different, each situation is different. But what is important to remember is to listen to yourself; follow your heart, and do what is best for you and your baby. You are the only one who truly knows what’s best for you.

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